Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
