and i looked up. we had an audience...
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
