Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I have already put on my inside pants.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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