Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
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