I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
