is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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