I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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