The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
