you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
