a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
