Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
