Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
