After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
