I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Watching her eat just hurts me
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
