Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
