Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
