Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
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