so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Randomize
