If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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