Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
