I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
