Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
