Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
