I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Randomize
