So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
