he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
