For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
