I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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