I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
