YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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