You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
