I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
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Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
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Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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