I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
