I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
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Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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