if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
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