Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
