happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
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