I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
