Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Randomize
