Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
