The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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