I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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