Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Randomize
