I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
