He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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