yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
