Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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