a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
