I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
