im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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