If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
