Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
