cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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