I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
