Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
