I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
someone owes me an orgasm
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
