he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
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