Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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