i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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