with your own penis?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
