Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Randomize
