Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
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