tell your sister to shave her snatch
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
