Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
