Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
So squirting runs in the family.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
