Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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