i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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