Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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