i need an iv and a liver transplant
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
