and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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