This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
