That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
time to smoke my breakfast
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
