I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
now i know why i became what i already was.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
