It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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