Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
