my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
