Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Randomize
