its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
