I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
