i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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