$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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