i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
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Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
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Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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