I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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