i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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