we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
